Twice in a Lifetime (Love Found) Read online

A brisk wind had kicked up and brown leaves hurtled across the dormant lawn, swirling in the curb. Allie huddled into her coat; Jake laced her fingers with his as they strolled down the sidewalk, leaves crunching beneath each step. He waited for what, he had no idea, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes and his heart rate ratcheted.

  In time she sent him a sideways glance, then spoke slowly, her words seemingly chosen carefully. “Thank you for last night, Jake.”

  He drew his eyebrows together in confusion, tightened his fingers around hers and drew her to a halt. “You waiting for me to say you’re welcome, Allie? Because thank you doesn’t begin to cover how I feel about last night.”

  “You’re right. It was wonderful, but I’ve been thinking.” She pulled their joined hands to her heart. “This is hard for me to say, and I need you to hear me out.”

  Hear what? Was she having second thoughts? Oh, hell no. He dropped her hand to grasp her by the shoulders. “Hard to say what? Where are you going with this?”

  She lowered her eyes to study the sidewalk. “I hope you agree that what we have here—what we need to have, I should say—is an affair. Just sex.”

  What the hell? “You think I can agree to that?” He frowned down at her, flummoxed. After the night they’d just had? The words they’d spoken?

  She tilted her head back and peered up at him, shoving her bare hands deep into her pockets. “Remember last night, when I told you I’ve started my change already… menopause, and I couldn’t get pregnant?”

  His frown deepened. “Yeah, what about it? That doesn’t matter.”

  “Of course it matters.” A combination of anger and misery rode the harsh statement and only her upraised palm stopped him from pulling her closer and locking his arms around her. “I can’t have children anymore, Jake. When you find someone to settle down with you’ll want that. And I can’t… do that. Not anymore.”

  Her eyes turned haunted as she pulled out one hand and laid it on his chest. “It’s so hard to explain, but I feel… incomplete.” She patted her hand against him. “In here. And now the choice is not mine to make. I love Trey, but I always felt there were more children inside me, needing me. It was a concept Ben never understood.” She paused and finally he pulled her against his jacket.

  “I always felt I was still young enough to have another child, but I guess Mother Nature has a different plan for me.” She widened her eyes and blinked back tears.

  He leaned back and thumbed the moisture away. “First off, you love me, right?” The drawn out moment before she answered had his heart pounding.

  “Of course.”

  Jesus. Was she trying to give him a heart attack? “Of course. And what we have here is not just sex, Allie. It’s great sex.” At her puny smile, he added more earnestly, “We are not having an affair. I love you.” No way in hell was she cutting him out now. He’d make her see they needed to be together. He trapped her face, his calloused palms cupping her cheeks, and dropped a gentle kiss on her lips. “Marry me. Babies or no babies, I want every day and every single night with you.”

  He glanced up the street, at two teenage boys skateboarding on the sidewalk, and the next-door neighbor unloading groceries, then turned back to her. “This isn’t exactly the way I wanted to ask you, though.” He smiled at her, and released her to hold her hands. “I wanted candlelight and champagne, soft music in the background. And a ring. Can we go shopping this afternoon and find a great big rock to put here?” He lifted her left hand and kissed her bare ring finger. She’d worn Ben’s rings on her right hand since that first day with the attorney. He stopped talking. She hadn’t said anything yet and his heart pounded again. Christ, he may have that heart attack yet. “Allie? Babe, what do you say? Shall we go pick one out?”

  Allie pulled her hands to her sides and turned away. “I love you, Jake. There’s no doubt in my mind, I love you.” He took a deep breath, sensing an important but coming next. “I’ll stay with you as long as you want. But I can’t marry you.” She turned around now, her eyes beseeching him to understand. “My son is the best thing I ever did. I want you to know that happiness too.”

  Hell no. She was not pulling that on him. “Don’t I get to decide, Allie? Don’t I get a say? Babies were a dream, but dreams can change. I love you. And I love Trey. You’re my family now.”

  “I’ll be with you. For as long as you want. But I won’t marry you.” Sonofabitch. He couldn’t be this close to the brass ring only to have her yank it away. “We only get one chance to live our life. One day you’ll change your mind and then you’ll be free.”

  He didn’t want to be free, dammit. How could she be so cruel? Didn’t she realize each word was a dagger, plunged unerringly into his heart? He had no intention of letting her get away with this shit. He wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was she. But she was in no mood to be reasoned with. Taking her hand, he led her back to the house. “All right, babe. We’ll do this your way. For now.”

  Allie took a pork roast from the refrigerator, seasoned it and set it to brown it on the stovetop, wearing a frown that had nothing to do with the slab of meat sizzling in the heavy Dutch oven. Jake needed to understand that this troubling need to protect him plagued her. Plagued, yes, that was a good word for how she felt. Wouldn’t it be nice if she could not worry about what was right for everyone and just take what she wanted? Because she would have chosen a future with Jake.

  Using tongs, she flipped the meat to sear the top. Whether this was due to Ben’s request or on her, it didn’t matter. Her conscience wouldn’t allow her to be the anchor that kept him from a life he wanted.

  Oh, she was thankful for what they shared now, but despair weighed heavy on her mood. She added liquid to the meat and hefted the cast iron pan into the screaming hot oven. How long would they survive if she was already pulling away?

  Allie passed the plate of sliced meat to Trey. “Do you already have plans for tomorrow?

  Trey passed mashed potatoes to Jake and took the platter from his mom. “Jax and I are planning something tomorrow night; his girlfriend Kiley is in town and she brought her roommate with her. But I don’t have anything planned during the day.”

  “I wondered.” She glanced up at Jake. “Maybe we can all do something. Go to a matinee, or bowling.”

  Jake swallowed his bite and spoke up. “How would you like to go to a football game? Not sure who we’re playing, but we’re home this week.”

  Trey didn’t bother swallowing first, nearly bouncing in his seat. “Dude! I’m totally down with that. Do you think we can still get tickets?”

  “Let me make a call, see if I can come up with something.”

  Allie sat, bemused. “Forty-five yard line. That’s good, right?”

  “It’s excellent, Mom. And only a few rows in from the field! Jake, you totally scored! But what will we do with the fourth ticket?”

  Maybe your mom would like to invite a friend.” Jake’s deadpan expression had her smothering a grin.”

  “Sure, that’s a pretty good idea.”

  But Trey was less than enthusiastic and she nearly laughed while she finished clearing the table. “Or,” she drew out the word for drama, “Maybe Jax would like to come along.”

  Jake followed Trey with his eyes as he lit down the hallway. “I think he liked that idea a whole lot better.”

  “I’d say so. He had to make the call before we change our minds.” She rinsed plates and began stacking them in the dishwasher. “How did you manage that, mister? I’m impressed.”

  Jake gave a quick jerk of his shoulder. “No big deal, really. We have a supplier with season tickets. He uses them mainly for customers.” Simple as that.

  “Wow! A man with connections. I may keep you around after all, if only for the perks.” She gave him a mischievous smile.

  “Oh, I can think of better perks than football tickets.” Jake had a mischievous smile of his own. “Trey’s going out tonight, what do you say we find a sock?”

  Allie followed Jake in
to the living room, plopped on the sofa beside him. What a day, she was exhausted. As promised, he arrived this morning loaded down with a barbeque grill and a cooler filled with food and drinks, then trashed her kitchen cupboards hunting for the forgotten paper goods. She pushed up the sleeves of her bulky green turtleneck. “Tailgating. Now I remember why we had to leave four hours before game time.

  Jake picked up the remote and flipped channels until he came to the news, then turned down the volume. He picked up her right hand, absently twisted her ring. “Sure. Like when Ben and I used to take Trey to games.”

  She looked at her hand, at his fingers toying with her jewelry and pulled her hand away. “Right.” The stadium parking lot was a sea of pop-up canopies with red and black logo banners snapping in a breeze that carried enticing aromas of grilled meat. Swarms of noisy fans dressed in replica team jerseys were clustered around grills and portable firepits. She stood to light a scented candle and smiled from across the room. “Actually, I had fun. The boys did too. I should have remembered sunscreen, though. My nose is a little pink.”

  He leaned back, dropped an arm across the back of the sofa and nodded toward her feet. “What you should have remembered was to not wear those three-inch heels. You would have landed on your ass if you lost your footing on those steps down to our seats.”

  Um hmm, those seats in the third row. He really did spoil them. She returned to the couch, sat and dangled one jean-clad leg over his knee. “Would you have saved me if I started to fall?” He lifted her leg, straightened it and ran a palm down the denim of her jeans, ending with her boot in his hand. It had been so long since a man touched her with an end game objective. She smiled to herself. It felt really good.

  “You bet.” He lowered his voice and the tingles she was beginning to associate with him snaked up and down her spine. “If your butt was broken you wouldn’t be able to wrap these babies around my waist later tonight.”

  Her face heated. “Oh.” The word escaped on a short breath, not nearly all she wanted to say, but all she got out before Trey wandered in, freshly showered. Darn his timing! Watching him cross the room, she took a deep breath and shook her head to clear it. The scents of soap and cologne followed him as he dropped into the easy chair, drumming his fingers on the arm.

  His hand stilled. He looked at her, then down at his chest. “What? I have something on my shirt?”

  She took another deep breath. There, calmer. She shook her head again. “Um, no. We were just talking about the game.”

  Trey lit up in a beaming grin. “Yeah, it was great! Thanks again, Jake. For the jersey, too.”

  “No problem. Can’t have everyone representing except you and Jax.” Jake leaned forward and fist-bumped Trey, then sat with his forearms braced on his knees. “So what are you guys up to tonight?”

  “Pizza, then a movie.” Trey rolled his eyes. “I hope it’s not some chick flick.” His smile turned uneasy, matching the uncertainty in his eyes. “I’m a little nervous, can you tell? It’s my first blind date.”

  “Don’t sweat it. Just have a good time.”

  His grin was a little shaky. “Good time. Got it.” A car honked at the curb and Trey sprang to his feet with a feeble wave. “I’m out.”

  As the front door slammed, Jake sank into the cushion beside her. “Even though his timing stinks, I’ve really missed him.” He chuckled and dropped his arm across her shoulders, the thick nubby sweater rubbing against her skin under his fingers. “Has he mentioned coming home more often?”

  “No, and I won’t ask.” This was his time. To grow up, to explore. She laid a tentative hand against Jake’s chest, let it wander. “This is our time now.”

  “Our time, I like that.” He stopped her hand, pulled it to his lips and brushed them across her knuckles. “But if it bothers you to not see him, we should talk to him about it.”

  She pulled her hand free, looped it across the hard width of his waist, then tilted her head to the side when he lowered his lips to her collarbone. “No. He knows he’s welcome, he’ll be home when he can.”

  He lifted his head and pulled her to his chest. “I doubt you could ever make him feel unwelcome.”

  She sat quietly for a moment, distracted by the beating of his heart under her ear. “I should put something together for dinner.” She moved as if to stand, but Jake’s words stopped her.

  “Pizza sounds good. Why don’t we order in instead?”

  Jake woke to an infomercial touting the wonders of food dehydrators. The pizza box lay open on the table before him, two leftover slices lying shriveled inside. Was Trey home yet? Hey Tate, you got plans Saturday. He shook off the memory.

  Allie slept soundly against his chest. When he stood and lifted her into his arms she snuffled through her parted lips and retreated into her dreams. Tucked into bed with a crocheted afghan covering her and her hair spilling over her pillow, he envied her sense of peace.

  He released a sigh as he watched her sleep. He understood her need to shield him from a life he may regret. It was bullshit, but he got it. She loved him, though, and that was a good start.

  Patience, bucko. She would come around. She had to.

  Hopeful, he retraced his steps to the living room, then snatched up the pizza box to drop into the garbage container on his way to his truck.

  Halloween was behind her, Thanksgiving hovered in the near future. Allie stretched, reaching high from her perch on the stepstool. She grabbed the cardboard cutouts from the wall and stepped down carefully, Jack-o’-lanterns and candy corn gripped firmly in her hand. She stacked them on the nearest desk as Maddie walked past her open door.

  A moment later she reappeared, as always full of energy. “Don’t you love it when Halloween is over? I swear that holiday was invented for the sole purpose of classroom disruption! It’s all the kids can think about for weeks—costumes, parties, candy. Costumes. Their concentration flies right out the window.”

  Allie laughed softly at her friend. Maddie idly flipped through the discarded decorations as Allie collected a handful of fall leaves and moved back to the stepstool. “I freely admit that holiday is hell on lessons. And Christmas is even worse. But Thanksgiving, that’s always my favorite. Other than a few leaves, and maybe a couple of pilgrim stories, Thanksgiving is a breeze.” She had to look down to see Maddie from her vantage point on the stool. “I remember one year Trey’s homeroom tried to do a Thanksgiving feast.” She shook her head as she remembered. “It was a fiasco. That poor teacher. She was new and so full of ideals.”

  “And tell me you’re not.”

  She dimpled down at her friend. “What can I say? Hel-lo, I love my job.” Done hanging leaves in a random order, Allie climbed down again and reached for the pilgrims. She lifted the stool and carried it to the opposite side of the room. “So what do the Andrews’ have planned for Thanksgiving?”

  Maddie moved to the door and hung a cardboard turkey. “We’re going to Prescott, to Michael’s family. It should be fun, no snow yet, though. How about you, is dinner at your mom’s?”

  Allie glanced around the room in a quick double-check and nodded, climbed down and stowed the stool in the closet. “It always is, but I haven’t talked to her about it yet. My brother Ryan and his family are usually there, but now that his wife is gone I don’t know what his plans are. And I need to see if Jake already has plans. I’d love for him to go with us. My family’s only met him a couple of times, and that was years ago.” Allie picked up the Halloween decorations from the desk and put them away in the cabinet. She checked the time. The morning bell would ring in five short minutes.

  “Of course he’ll go. His parents are both gone and he has no siblings, what else would he do?” Maddie helped Allie distribute worksheets to each desk, readying the room for the invasion of youngsters.

  Allie shrugged. “I don’t know. In the past he’s always gone to some friend’s house. We never could get him to go to Scottsdale with us.”

  “Yes, but now he wants to marry
you.” Maddie laid a paper on the final desktop and met her gaze. “You’re nuts, by the way. I can’t believe you haven’t changed your mind yet. He’s a great guy, and he loves you more than the legal limit. If he’s good with the way things are, why can’t you be?”

  “I must admit, it’s hard to remember why I keep saying no.” Allie shook her head in consternation. “He asks me every time I see him, but I don’t want him tied down to something he’ll want out of someday.”

  “Allie, I’ve been listening to your excuses for weeks and I’ve got to tell you, I think you’re batshit crazy. He wants to be tied down; for chrissake give him what he wants and tie him down.”

  Allie headed toward the door to line her kids up for school. “Thanks, Maddie, we’ll see how things go.”

  “I only want you to be truly happy.” Maddie leaned in, hugged.

  Allie smiled, squeezed back. “I’m happy.”

  Jason, the boy whose parents were divorcing, slipped up as she stepped onto the playground. “I learned a new joke, Mrs. Tate. Wanna hear?”

  Allie squatted to his height and gave him a bright smile. The boy rarely spoke anymore. One knock-knock joke just might make his day. “Sure, why not?”

  Tuesday after Thanksgiving Allie sat in Jake’s kitchen, trying to enjoy a quiet dinner. With a few exceptions, things had been going smoothly for weeks now. Jake spent the holiday with her family, piling his plate high and joining in conversation. But ever since that night he’d seemed to be on edge. And he was terribly quiet tonight. Was he rethinking their relationship? She studied him as he spooned take-out kung pao over his rice, then traded her for the curry. He hadn’t spoken in so long the sound of his voice made her jump.

  “I heard from Trey today. He wanted to know if he could work for me while he’s home for Christmas.”

  Allie took a bite of curry; hopefully the spicy dish wouldn’t upset her stomach. She’d been off—achy and nauseated all day. It was a lousy time to come down with something. “Really? Is there enough work that you can keep him busy?”